January 11th, 2013

"Shaken Belief" by: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“Shaken Belief”

Palpitations ripple through the alterations of a contemplated realization that can no longer be held back.

Flashes of promised belief cement themselves into strong faith and in turn they become as real as you want them to be, a process that bleeds into every standard of your life. In believing ever so powerfully I’ve kept myself going, running always on empty it seems just above the leeway, just enough not to fall. The feeling pushed me forward but now that time has ended.

After given stride of matters driven by heart’s mighty plead, my words are now renewed with zest for from the ashes of my misguided sense of everlasting love they are filled with experience, of pain, of envy and even now still of love. I try to escape petty ideas of revenge, if I were the kind of man to destroy oh how I could easily do so with the incantations of my prose turned into lasting venom to forever plague you to be known as evil and heartless until I am no more but as these maleficent ideas emerge I fight them off for I am not of cruel intentions.

There really is no one to blame for this plight of delusion that has become of me other than myself. I and my faith in love carried the wonders of your charm farther than they were ever meant to be carried. The hope of comforts understanding was never fated to find home within our bond and the desires we shared to one another’s recollection was only passing glances of mercy to remove the ache of loneliness from are plain.

So now that I have stopped, now as I struggle with fear that my faith is fading, now as I grow solemn to the times of solitude once again I have only my words to carry me forward. They grow with me as I begin to shake from what is still left unknown and they find purpose with my tale.

Maybe the betrayal of love’s dream has found meaning inside me with its scorn.

Maybe the anguished pleas of my restless mind glide into legend with each blow.

Maybe my failure was a success of soul.

I really do not know.

As I cannot hold back the realization of my precarious state of mind I see only destruction ahead for I must build myself back up from the demise. I still believe that belief makes things real but how I take precaution to its power now and that is your fault my dear, the blame is solely yours.

  

   Maybe I need repair from the sight of your merriment which you have placed right in front of my eyes as if mocking me as if I wasn’t even there, such cruel acts stirs the demons that I thought I had laid to rest so very long ago and how hungry they are to make me suffer once again but even then with such force of emotions riling into the ambience of our encounter, even so I still don’t exist too you.

I do not know what to do but for now my belief remains. My words carry their hope.

Maybe tomorrow all will be well.

Maybe tomorrow you’re the one that’s not going to be there…

July 21st, 2011

"The Birthday that Wasn’t" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Birthday Party that Wasn’t”

 

The preparations were made. The invitations sent out. Now all that needed to be done was to wait.  The time flew by so fast and all of the sudden nightfall was once again upon me. I stepped out to the rooftop terrace to bask in the effort made and I smiled for I felt that tonight was going to bring everything that I ever wanted to an occasion like this, a birthday, celebrating having me in someone’s life of all reasons to celebrate and I felt alive just thinking of the night’s deeds that would come to my door seeking resolve. The lights all around shone translucent from far and near, in the distance the skyline view and close by from the ones hung from the corners of the terrace, everything seemed to be illuminated even though darkness loomed all around. The music was perfect, the ambiance it gave off raised the small details of the matters of the human soul a renewed importance to all, like the true meaning behind the words spoken out into the air, from a sound of an innocent laugh not so far off, all the way down to how your heart seemed to realize that right now in this instance, with this song playing in the background, all could be yours. I couldn’t have a better setting even if I could create fantasy into reality by the move of my hand. Tonight was going to be the night, my hopes soared with expectations and desires yearning to become more than just that and as they did swell, the first guest arrived.

I took the spiral staircase down into the more mundane lower floor and the instant I opened the door the beauty of everything shot up in the world so fast that I lost my breath and I am still trying to recover it even now because it was her, the girl of my dreams finally at my doorstep and by all gods definitions did she look amazing. You smiled at my wonderment and asked permission to enter and I replied from my dumb stammer of amazement with a smirk:

“I don’t know… If you came in I might never want this night to end.”

She comes inside and from the first step of the spiral staircase that leads to the place that fantasy seems to come alive she said with a grin:

“Who says that it has even begun, for it to ever end?”

She heads upstairs to the terrace and just when I went to close the door and rush right after her, one after another, the guests arrived. All my dear best friends that have been with me in good and bad, those two friends that I consider brothers for life and that one girl that’s been there from past too present a sister by all means. My crazy acquaintances always up for a good time, my departed family that I’ve so missed to share time with like this, one after another they arrived and the night ensued.

After many awhile of pleasantries and felicitations, some small talk of life, some stories played out for some crowds to laugh upon hearing them and I couple of good times I make myself back towards the roof’s shadowy corners with a beer in each hand, one for her of course because at the end of all this at heart, this party isn’t for me but for her. How my heart needed to see that remarkable girl with jet black hair the envy of all others, with legs that never seem too end, a smile that brought the meaning of happiness charging out of your soul too smack you upside your head a couple times and with such a spirit that made your expectations fall each single time because she would only exceed them by a million each time you even tried. She stares out into the nights caring grace, looking upon the same sights that I’ve looked upon yearning that she would be there right next too me and just by seeing her in that same spot from behind makes all the romantic moments of a lifetime of thousands come to shame.

As I approach her, my dear friend, one of those brothers I mentioned, steps into my path and says:

“This is your night my brother, you deserve all this…  All that your heart desires, you deserve.”

He looks back and sees her and continues with a smile of mischief:

“Go get her but remember who says the pursuit of happiness has a happy ending or that the righteous lover ever gets what he deserves?”

I laugh with him broadly and then continue to where she is but just when I am about to reach her in that place that the stars could all dim down and still the night would shine. Just when I was going to pour my heart out into the air of the night for this beautiful mysterious dark skinned girl to hear and tell her with such vigor that if had to give all my other years of life just to have this night with her, I would do so and never let her wander away from the love that I have held so dearly for so long, ever again. The cake is brought out, the song has begun to be sung. I see you so close, so near and as I turn to give myself too the moment that beckons, it’s all right in front of me. There in that place, my friends, family and the love of my life all right in front of me and I don’t want anything to end. I look at the candles that burn flames of earnest promise of the future in them and close my eyes for the briefest of moments. I wish all the wishes of my hearts dominion with the breath I held dearly within the reaches of the contemplation of what is known as the soul’s desire.

When I open my eyes, all is gone, nothing remains, vanished is all before me. You see, in that place that was prepared to make dreams seem just at hand to take them, you never came, no one came and all I was left with was the fantasy of what never came to pass into reality. I blew out the candles and the shallow smoke trail revealed all that there was, I wished for love and she never came, I wished for happiness and it didn’t come, I wished for a night filled with hope’s desires to come true and it never was, I wished…

I wished…

And my wish didn’t come true…

So welcome to the birthday party that never was.

Where the night was perfect but never seen, where not even a pleasantry was called in, where the only presents were bitterness and heartache, where a love cherished for so very long never appeared and where dreams never came true.

The birthday that wasn’t…

Happy Birthday too me…



July 18th, 2011

"Heartbreaker" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“Heartbreaker”

There once was a girl, destroyer of worlds, that walked the path of destruction and in her wake only the broken remained. In her stride of power dreams would die, with the touch of her subtle brown skin ever so gentle you would only know of loss, with her breath so convicted your soul would be set aflame, with a brush of her jet black hair death would whisper into your ear, with the gaze of her dark and deadly beauty shame would only fall upon your mind and with her smile reality would crumble before you. No one could sustain the presence of the girl for she was the epitome of the fantasies of man and the force she brought with her life no one could handle the strain it brought to their hearts. They say that in perfection lies death and so in her beauty no one could remain, the weight was too much, they all fell before her feet and unbeknownst to her they would only be the road she walked upon for she not knew of any other to follow. You see, the girl only saw what was laid out before her, the hollow emptiness of only a future to walk into without any to share it with and so the girl never spoke a word in her lifetime for she had never felt anything, she had no one and so never dared to dream at all of the meaning of life.

Until one day the girl, destructor of hearts, meet a boy one tepid night where the air seemed to lift the words spoken out into it, where it seemed that the only light for miles was there in the place they stood together, where it seemed that peace finally appeared within their lives. The girl was surprised and could not fathom the reason why the boy did not disappear like all the others that came before him. The boy hesitated for the slightest of moments for he had never seen such bewilderment arise within his soul at the sight of a girl ever before but then he rose to the occasion and spoke to the wonder girl.

He said to her that this night’s encounter was far more than they could see, that it was meant to happen, an occurrence of fate, because on this night he finally understood what true love was in this world. The girl now even more surprised to hear the words of this would be boy telling her all the things she had never heard in her life before like love, beauty, grace and magnificence flustered because they were all meant to be about her, she began to feel something that she never felt before in all of her years of solitude and desolation. It was the slow beats of her heart beginning to turn to the whims of the higher meaning of life called love.

The boy continued to speak for he felt that if he stopped the world he ever so dared to dream of having would never again be in his grasp. You see, the boy had always yearned to find that one girl that silenced the doubt within his mind, that would make the world a better place, which would take his heart and love it so he could be the man he always desired to be in his lifetime. Words spoken ever so eloquent by the boy that they brought about the creation of a love that could bring the definition of perfect to forsake itself. 

The girl overwhelmed by the emotion that this boy had brought finally within the reach of her arms grabbed the boy with all her might and with all the power she could summon into her being loved the boy so strongly that nothing could describe the sentiment felt of love so pure she had for the boy.  The boy in her embrace even though not a word was spoken to him was not confused because he had finally found his long lost dream come true and realized that there was nothing else to wish for in this world, he had it all and as the culmination of that realization took his breath away he relaxed for the struggle was done and in that instant it was all over.

The girl that only knew of pain had with her embrace of love ever so strong crushed the boy in her hands in the instant the boy gave himself completely to the ideal of love that he longed sought out for, she did not know of it’s strength for she had never let it in before it was too late for her to understand. The boy lied dead within her hands and with the despair that flooded her for there is no other greater loss than to loose a loved one she cried the tears of an eternity of regret that she would feel for all time because she never said anything to the boy she loved. She would never know if there was a happy ending for her because she never tried.

There once was a girl that never loved until it was to late and was doomed to continue her path of emptiness to the future, for she only destroyed and never cared, she is despair for she never dared to speak of the matters of her heart, she is love ever lost for she never risked all or nothing for love, she is the heart broken for she only knows of loneliness, she is known as the heartbreaker for she is the girl that no one could ever have because she never let love inside and there are no happy endings in this tale…

June 22nd, 2011

"Parental Advisory" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“Parental Advisory”

The mourning for a time long lost in the forward waves of life is what sows itself through the threads of the present day. I recall with warmth of the times during my childhood that the question of the truth of life was the farthest thing from my mind, that innocence or more likely ignorance brought the carefree shrouded meaning to all that surrounded and filled my life. This misplaced nostalgic notion quickly fades away for like all innocence in this world, it is meant to be swept away with the same carefree sort but not by your own hand but by the hands of the cruel world that binds you to the actions of others, to the onslaught of what some may call fate, the innocence must fade.

These are the motions to life, change is thrust upon you not when you are ready but when you are most vulnerable for in this act is how we grow and how I pity this realization because I think of all those lost in the process, the ones that couldn’t make it through the unnecessary amount of struggle that life cuts you open with, those that gave up along the way all had reasons for doing so but the only reason that they didn’t have that mattered the most never reached them, the reason to continue on, so are the ways of the shadowy underbelly of mankind. We do not choose the circumstances for how we are brought into this world and so in the culmination in the times we are supposedly cared for is where the seeds of growth, the change that forever plagues us as we age are planted, we do not have control of this, we are not at fault for the horrid acts of others but what we do control is our own free will, that is the only freedom that we possess in this world that pain cannot rule. We are restricted by laws, dominated by greed, thrown into the battles of love and hate, clandestine to our family’s issues and woes, the struggle of the mind and soul is the campaign we must partake in for that is life.

So our free will strong against all these crude aspects of what consists of life is our power to become the men and women that we are meant to be in this world. This truth is all that one needs to remember when life hits you hard and you don’t know what else to do, when all seems lost, when love doesn’t seem to ever stay, remember these words. That we the free of will can survive if we just continue on into the unknown for in the unknown lies the truth that we all seek, that tomorrow another song will sing, that another day will come, that love will stray back into your embrace and that the struggle is all we really have, surviving is the manner to become all that we are meant to be.

Our generation are the holders of the truth, we know more than anyone before us, our capacity for compassion exceeds past desires and our will is stronger than any would be darkened past. Those of generations past will never understand that we are not and never will be what they want us to be because we are meant to be more than they ever were. We are the future, they are the past, you will never understand us so just continue on your journey because we fight our own battles much greater than you ever known and our hearts that anguish so through all continue with more might and love onto the future for we know of pain that you never knew or even imagined. Our pain is our strength, our actions are what the world today screams for us to do, our choices are our own for the good of our lives not yours, you will never understand us for we are superior for we carry all the hurt ours and yours because it is our duty, you will never understand so do not try feeble aged man. We the children of the dark have grown and with our will carry on our backs the future in the name of those lost, you only carry the past towards your path to ruin. We will never stop, we just care too much, more than you ever did and so we continue, abuse left behind and so you fail…

June 17th, 2011

"The Dark (K)night" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Dark (K)night”

As I lay flat on my back I can see the ceiling begin to crack, its breaking apart as the fragments of my memory prevail over reality and the stints of emotion that surge up with them try to hold me down. The bits and pieces of all I ever known crumble upon me I can’t escape from what’s happening its all because of what grows inside of me each night I do not have you beside me, each day I awake and do not hear the sound of your voice first in my day. The image that I have created of you haunts every fiber of my being for you are with me always.

As flashes of my lifetime pass before my eyes I try to perceive what is reality and what lies in fantasy. I can’t differ which is which and I stumble around in the corridors of my mind circling the same space for hours upon hours. I believe that I can be released from this captivity of a heart lost in turmoil of the past. I just have to find the doorway back to whom I believe I am but the task brings barricades that seem too high to hurtle over. I try to focus but now a stampede of past moments come ruthlessly at me trying to run me over, they hit full force passing through me like ghosts wanting to possess and that is what they want most of all, for me to surrender and enter my soul turning me helpless to their malevolent plans so I could fall into the abyss that intends to devour me. I survive the assault, kicking and screaming through them as hard as my strength can assert as all the emotions felt throughout my lifetime hit me all at once and almost brings me to my knees but in my last effort I reach out and the sole of my hand grabs the door knob back to the land of the seemly sane.

I’m staring once again at the ceiling the cracks no longer remain, I am whole again for now but every single night that I lay my head down on the pillow of my bed the loneliness grows inside me and with it the doubt that seeks to destroy me. Every night is a battle I most partake in and conquer so I can continue on towards you. The internal battle of my heart skirmishes in my mind every night I lay alone without you. I survive to fight another day but I ever so fear if one day in the near coming future what if I should loose this fight, what will become of me?

How long can I last?

Defeat reckons its eternal judgment once again…

Wait I can still…

Another dark knight lost in the war for love that lies unseen by the world in his tomb silently asleep…

June 4th, 2011

"It’s Beginning to Get to Me" By:Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“It’s Beginning to Get to Me”

The sensation swells, it cannot be helped once it starts. You have no choice but to yield from the strain that falls on top of you. The weight is too much to hold, I cannot carry this burden of doubt that has taken hold of my heart as two chains being tied to the manner a child laces his shoes.

It is beginning to get to me that I ever so proud and righteous in my endeavor am not getting anywhere near the destination in which you reside. It is beginning to get to me that the vast wisdom I have gained during these past years doesn’t grant me the counsel to tell me of the inner proceedings of your enclosed heart. It is beginning to get to me that as I look up at the stars I know more of them than of you and that their shine seems to hold more happiness that their ever was in me. It is beginning to get to me that the only thing that grows between us is our distance and my desire to have my touch reach your gentle demeanor. It is beginning to get to me that my only solace to these realizations is the night’s darkness to shield me from the world.

It begins and finishes me off. I cannot resist, I must fall, I have no choice this is what I am fated for, to be the man that’s demise is to love too strong. I collapse under the weight of these doubts. Their mass crushing my bones, their quantity multiplying until my soul can’t stand it anymore. I pray that something picks me up from this floor of defeat but all my cries have been left unheard. I lay flat on the ground with no hope of ever getting back up, I am out for the count but still my heart does not waiver from its deluded sentiment of love yearned for vigorously.

Your image will forever be my inspiration because you are the only one that has ever made sense in my life. All that I ever am or ever wished to be are because of you.

Is it to late to scream under my dying breath my last words, the oh so famous words of my ruin, to you my love?

You are everything that I am not. You are worth everything that I have suffered inside my being. You are the reason that when I no longer remain I will still be here in this world, the tale of the man that died of love will be told and my words will last for eternity. I love you for all time my love, for this honor you have given my life purpose.

So the man with the will of a warrior and the heart of a saint falls to the sword of doubt forged in the fires of love and the fountains of desire. All for the woman he loved that never knew until now with these phrases of prose that a love so pure existed that it could relinquish all suffering from the world was hers and forever will be hers…

"The Children of the Lost" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Children of the Lost”

In the darkness nothing seems to be real. 

You search for some sight to appear before your view, be it your own hand or some other worldly apparition. A sound in the distance brings the momentary hope that something or someone is coming but then the sound disappears from the spectrum and with it your last ounce of faith. You begin to wonder if you even have your eyes open to the world at all, that maybe you are just lost in some strange realm of dreams and this is only some succession to be forgotten as you awake later on with time but it is not that, the darkness ensues.

Fear creeps ever more into your body and mind, the realization makes you begin to tremble in solitude, the darkness is unrelenting. You begin to sob, tears of true anguish, tears born into this world made of pure loneliness. Just when you’re about to give up completely, to lay down your last words, lay down your essence upon the shallow death bed of this unworldly darkness, you bring your hand onto your chest. Tears streaming down like there is no tomorrow, you feel your heart beat. The slow languid beats and bumps of your heart begin to speak to you. The soothing voice says;

“My dear child, do not squander with fear in this unholy darkness. You are not alone, for you who is drenched in the unknown many are there beside you unbeknownst of anything. You are all connected, your worlds are the same, they are your brothers and sisters of the lost. So when all seems lost remember you are not alone. Now open your eyes my child, the world is waiting for you…”

You open your eyes the darkness remains but as you look up, the starry sky shines its light upon you. When it’s dark enough, you can see the stars. The darkness remains there but you are not alone. You are the children of the lost, another star in this world looking upon the same sky in the sea of darkness of the night trying to find your own place and for others to then seek it ought. You are the star, the darkness is the path, the future is the fear and the present is the light.

Continue on with your journey just follow the stars…

We will guide you…

May 31st, 2011

"Say" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“Say”

They say that I always have the perfect thing to say, I say that the only perfect words I have are far more than the man you see before you. 

They say that a true artist must always be in turmoil for his art to mean something, I say an artist’s life doesn’t live through his art but his art lives through him.

They say love is a matter better handled by the mind, I say that love isn’t a matter that one can handle.

They say regret is an emotion ruled by past mistakes, I say regret is an emotion created through our lack of action.

They say that I care too much about things and people, I say that you don’t see the reason to care for things or people other than yourself.

They say ignorance is bliss, I say ignorance is a form of hell.

They say that I hide part of myself from society, I say I lay in plain sight you just don’t perceive whom I really am.

They say listen to your peers, I say who made you a peer to make me hear?

They say never say anything if it isn’t nice, I say speak the truth even if it hurts.

They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I say it didn’t kill me but left me mortally wounded.

They say we dare to dream, I say it’s more daring to see the truth and live in reality.

They say you can never forget your past, I say the past doesn’t forget us.

They say sooner rather than later, I say either way you have to wait.

They say that I have this absurd romanticism I live by, I say you lack heart for you to be insane for that is what love is.

They say love is a battlefield, I say it’s a massacre.

They say to make yourself top priority, I say that there are other things more important than me in this world.

They say that I have my heart too open and that I am too vulnerable, I say if your heart isn’t open enough how could you ever wish to live and love to the fullest?

They say that there is no such thing as a broken heart, I say that you are a fool that hasn’t truly lived an ounce.

They say that we all have a destiny, I say we all are destiny because we make who we are.

They say parent’s help you grow, I say we grow by our own means but are persuaded by example.

They say that the night is darkest before the dawn, I say the night is brightest if we are together.

They say many a thing each and every moment, I say that we don’t say enough.

They say the world is what we make of it, I say the world isn’t something to be controlled.

They say that the heart fonders in the distance, I say the heart fonders close or far away.

They say that words are just words, I say that words mean more than we care to realize by the man who speaks them.

They say that one day it has to come to an end, I say let the day come that my will becomes more than will itself.

They say that dreams come true, I say that we make dreams true.

They say that my imagination is abnormal, I say if you don’t imagine how can you ever hope to be alive and sane?

They say that I am a strange man that fantasy curates my mind and that my notions be filled with to much purpose that isn’t apparent, I say nothing is real and that my notions are my purpose.

All that I say does not make me anymore than you, All that I say I do hope carries on with you, I am who I am theirs nothing more to say, other than the truth of a whimsical writer man…

"On A Night Like This" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“On A Night Like This”

On a night like this everything seems to be so livid. As my feelings swell with melancholy and nostalgia there is a sense of surrealism within all aspects of the night which accompanies me. For the first time in a long while the past is trickling down the sealed stained glass windows of my mind and I grant permission for the memories to take control of my heart.

On a night like this I could easily fall never to be seen again by any such person. On a night that the wind blows brushing against the side of your face as gentle as a sweet lovers touch, on a night that as you look to the stars as they shine you find them almost as eyes desiring your attention, on a night that the sounds of the world ring and echo out to you that you hear an orchestra of life waiting to be lived, on a night so surreal that reality seems to bend giving way to the details of the meaning of life, I could easily fall.

My memories continue to reside over the template of my soul. I can feel each of them as though they were happening for the first time, I feel their successions, the movement within them, the result that they create and the emotions that they leave behind. Moments of happiness and joy, tragedies and betrayals to much to bear, pleasures of past lovers lips and caresses, the moments have me now and I let them drown me because every once and again you have to remember your past to know your path to the future.

So on a night like this which another may find it simply harmoniously mundane, for me it means everything you could every want to feel inside your heart. On a night like this I drown myself in the memories of the past and slowly as I loose my last breath of the present, I die and am reborn once again in the very same motion. On a night like this anything is possible and so as I am reborn the past retreats back into the sacred fortress where it is contained, the future scurries off out of sight and I am left again with the present. On a night like this I could fall in love and did so, I could live a thousand millennia’s and did so, I could torment myself into despair and did so, for on a night like this your life is to be unraveled along the stream of your mind and your heart is the sacrifice to be poured out its contents into the cup of destiny.

On a night like this I am everything I need to be and at the same time I am nothing. So is this night, a night of bewilderment, a night that we all face, a night that is all yours…

May 25th, 2011

"It’s Not What It Seems" By: Nestor J.Herrera Newhall

“It’s Not What It Seems”

 

A night filled with purpose, casual but ever so seemingly important, the difference between happiness & sadness. Tonight was happiness, friendship renewed from the fiery abyss of the forgotten and then their was you. Another glimpse of your beauty was set upon my eyes. I started to feel comfortable with the exuberance of loneliness in my meager days until my eyes were casted upon thee again. A simple conversation in my mind was an epic surged with electricity & passion.

Unbeknownst to you, I observe any and every aspect of your essence in a thousand of ways possible. A smile ever so subtle penetrates as a ray of sunshine through my being, a secret exaggerated gesture makes an intriguing motion of humor, an obsessive control to succeed inspires admiration & a look given that makes the gears in my mind turn and grind out the million of possibilities of the inner workings you may have in your mind. I wish to have the ability to capture all these notions because underneath my calculative gaze lies fascination and my soul soars with each single moment of these every so common successions of yours.

I wish on so many things with a hope and faith that every thing will workout yet I fear every single time that my desires will only be that, wishes and hope. I feel the need to rise to the occasion, seize the day, and show you how I could make you the happiest woman alive. I feel the hunger to have one sole standing moment with you just one is all I need to prove myself, the lack their of makes any man lay awake at night. I’m fighting for a dream and I would do anything to accomplish it because that dream I ever so fondly dare to dream is to have you my dear. My focus is on that sole mission and I strive for it with vigor.

I’m a fool that left everything behind for a crude whim of true feeling only to realize that perhaps it is one-sided or maybe I am the victorious romantic that risked it all or nothing for love, it’s yet to be seen but tonight for now I will lay awake, close my eyes and picture you in the terrain known as thought trying to capture the eluding moment I have of you and relive it.

Why you may ask, because you are worth it. My heart is on the line and I wouldn’t want it any other way because you are worth being dreamt of, you are worth being my vision of love, you are worth being my dearest expectation of happiness. I wait for the outcome, I wonder what it will be. It’s up to you either way I’m forever yours.

The ghost that haunts the night searching for your love.

You know where to find me but can you see me?

I’m waiting for the moment that you will decide. You can see right through me, my heart and soul are yours.

Do you like what you see?

I’m forever yours, the ghost in the night with his heart on his sleeve waiting eagerly for your attention and answer. Forever the ghost who loves thee until the day he disappears. The ghost fades and waits once again until the next glimpse of your beauty. Happily he does so until next time my love. Into the background he goes, until next time…

"The Video-Tape" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Video-Tape”

 

I remembered you today…

You’re from my past but for that moment you came back into my present. All though you gave me your good-bye long ago, your eyes lit up as they were before. Your smile was beautiful and shone with the possibility of a future. Oh, that smile, that could bend wills & time to break through any wall created to block you out.

I found you again. I discovered you in something I didn’t even knew existed. I rediscovered what I had long buried underneath with my regrets & yearning for the past. I rediscovered your beauty, your essence and that look in your eye of timidness but yet utter control. That special control you did have, you controlled your world & you controlled my heart ever so ignorant to your knowledge maybe. You still control me in some magical way, not in person but through this tape, as you look into the lens & it records the very second of that moment, your eyes stare straight through and into my soul. I may control my present but you control my past even in a moment from so very long ago, your eyes haunt me everywhere I go…

May 23rd, 2011

"The Work of Art" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Work of Art”

Your body is the refuge I have sought out for, your eyes shine as if they were translucent, and your smile ever so innocent is sparked by millions of possibilities. I close my eyes and right in front of me you appear, from the shape of your mouth to the curves of your body, my mind’s eye paints you eloquently into my being. A work of art that seems to never end as I keep adding intricacies & shades of your persona onto my mind’s canvas. In this progress of events I wonder if I have found what I have been looking for, if my search is over, emotions overflow & cloud my better judgment.  It seems that I cannot peg exactly into words what occurs within me with each passing moment I recall your beauty in my mind. How I would give to open my eyes & have you, the beautiful work of art, in front of me so I could ponder the reasons of your magnificence.

Why is it that even though I feel tranquil in a sea of calmness at the same moment I feel rushed going miles & miles per hour when I think of you? Conclusions don’t come to mind but only the urge, the need to have you, the want to have you be my side, the yearning to have you look upon me & feel the same way I do because that’s the thing that most connects me to you. I feel that maybe me & you are the same, that we have the same understanding about life that ever so scares the rest of the world & in that world filled with doubt and strife that maybe we can find our place together as though we were one. When I look at you I now realize as if your essence speaks to me, as if it calls out to me in some way & I get exactly what you want. My imagination maybe robust even at sometimes delusional but this notion of grandeur is not of fiction but that of reality & what makes it reality is your love.

Beautiful girl, has my mind wandered far off with these scribbling’s I ever so write for you? Have I any idea of what I speak of to be true? I can only for now close my eyes & stare at the work of art that my heart and soul have created of you. Admiring your every aspect with detail & passion, until the next time I have you in my arms and in that moment the work of art will grow & grow ever so more until I see the whole picture but it ever so seems that when I have you in my arms that the work of art will never be complete because my dear, you are the real deal, a work of art that never ends nor ages, unique that each time you discover something more. As the essence of true love, your beauty and soul never end, so humble the realization that the work of art is put to shame…

La obra esta vacía…
Sin color…
Sin palabras…
Sin emoción…
Vacio esta la obra….
El arte espera en ti…
Nestor J. Herrera Newhall
May 16th, 2011

"The Game She Played" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Game She Played”

I rush through the gardens of thought, picking up my pace with each step I take as a run far away from the realization I so fear with magnitude. I run making my surroundings appear only to be a blur but in my stride the branches of reality are manifesting over my path trying to impede, they cut and tear into my flesh as I try to continue on now fiercer with more velocity so they cannot stop me. I bleed drops of serenity onto this hollowed ground, I do not stop, I must continue, I must get away from the grasp of your cruel hold over me.

Did it seem that I would never notice your malevolent intentions for me my dearest lover?

Did it seem that your lies and manipulations would live on into eternity?

Did it seem that I be such a fool that the delusional rapture you spouted would be enough to hide the fact that in your eyes I was just a children’s plaything, some toy to give attention to every now and again until you found a new one?

The game is over, you shall not have any control over me now or never again and as I run do not think for even a fraction of a second that I flee because of fear from you. Why would I do so from a creature made of sadness and regret such as your self?

I do not runaway from fear of you, no I only pity you. I runaway from you as fast as my body can carry me because I fear that in my time wasted upon you I have lost my chance with the one that deserves my attention, my touch and my love. I run through the gardens of thought as fast as I can with the branches of reality trying to impede my journey, giving out wounds onto my being and as I bleed drops of my essence onto the ground I gain distance from the darkness of the retched past and see on the horizon the light of the future brimming out. As I see this sight my pace slows my surroundings become clear, I smell the scent of a land of wonders filled with flowers, I hear the waves of water ahead within them a sea of calmness and I feel the breeze of promise rejuvenate my body.

My now slow approach has brought me to a new world past the darkness, past thought, past reality, past fear and my feet give bear into a world not known but created before me unknown this place. At the end of my path close by I see the figure of what I ever so desired and so I stop for an instant to look back, I smile into the imagination of every concept that can possibly be conceived by the righteous force of destiny.

As I look forward, I perceive the truth not with my eyes but with my mind. You will never reach this place my dearest ex-lover, you will never conquer what this world of divine nature has in store for you and one day as you age into tomorrow your box of toys, as I did, will all realize the same truth and flee with haste leaving you alone. In this truth I empathize for you.

You will never reach anything my dear, so sorrow everlasting is your prize for cheating in the game you ever so enjoy to play known as love…

May 4th, 2011

"The Dream of Lights" By: Nestor J. Herrera Newhall

“The Dream of Lights”

In the shroud of mystery, a request is asked upon the enlightenment of the night…

The request is received with surprise and a smile of timidness to the notion. It’s spoken in the utter most sense of sincerity…

In this moment of fantasy the mind escapes into the realm of emotion. Lights cover the sky as if individual fairies were brought out a midsummer night’s dream to provide the exact same atmosphere as the feeling in one’s own heart…

You see the sparkle in her eye like never before making time stop every time you gaze into them such as a freeze frame of that romance movie you love so much to watch over and over again…

She accepts your request with the plan on humoring you and your mad ideas. You observe the way she motions about with detail and focus, she moves in her own way but if your way is anything like hers in a fraction, the thought of luck is no longer something you need because you have it all just with that…

You help her upon the ledge that sets her beauty in front of the skyline, which view is more beautiful? Theirs no competition you smirk…

This is the perfect place for your creation to be pondered and brought into the world. You move over to your seat and rest for a second to take every sentiment of the air that breezes by and leaves…

You know exactly what your going to do, your about to try and convert this passion of reality into the art you passion over as well, no your not going to paint this moment to perceive this moment forever, you know that’s naïve, this moment is once in a life time, theirs nothing to add in colors or shadows, you need only describe what is already engraved in your heart to show the majesty of what is happening…

You pick up your pen at last and she looks back from the view and smiles, a smile unique and in its self almost quirky yet simple. You stare aimlessly at her but your not looking at her, your lost in her almost aura…

Another gust passes by and with it her long black glossy hair moves with the wind, hair that reminds you almost of Black Beauty in a strange sense. You follow the movement down to her cheek where you see her brownish complexion. You then move back down to her legs, those legs that remind you of some sort of Wonder Woman that could make any man fall before her feet…

It’s rude to just mention her natural beauty without dwelling on the most important thing about her and that’s just the way she carries herself and the manner of her heart. Words, you feel are inadequate for this because only the experience of being in her presence explains the truth that you know so well, that theirs none like her and without the most eloquent of words you need not explain the meaning of this, it just is…

Like the mystery that began this tale, your heart is enveloped in its shroud and is lost completely…

This could all be a dream lost in the ether and you wouldn’t care because at least you had it…

The realization of the essence known as love in its pure manner…

So it might vanish into the obscurity of a memory or be only a wish, the essence remains, the love never fonders away…